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Red eye

Capt Billy. This is just my 2nd post. I was in marine recon 66-67. Moved around a lot. Tried guiding out in Montana, that seemed the answer. Kept looking for that peaceful valley. Finally went into VA around 2000 because of heart issues. When I finally got in to see nurse to take my vitals, she knew I was having a hard time. She asked. I said this is just like being in nam and waiting & waiting for the choppers to come extract us from a hot spot & some butt head back in division is telling us he wants more info. She said had I ever talked to anyone professionally. I said no &she said she would set it up for me. The process started & i wasn't able to keep in the box no more. I kinda found a peaceful place in the woods of the UP of Michigan &. Now for 6 months down here because they rated me 100%. The echo of the guns finds me down here too, yet I also am thankful for the beauty I can see. It can be when it is most peaceful and it could seem to never had been but then the echo of those distant guns come. And I am with that boy of long ago, who walks the jungle highlands, searching. Searching for what is right. Searching for what is real. Searching for which way is home. Gods peace to you Billy. Dave.
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It is far better to light one little candle than curse at all the darkness.

steve78412 · Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 12:53 pm Post subject:

I hope you have found your home; and hope the peaceful beauty of this area and the gentle sound of the surf, drown out the echo of those distant guns.

Your service to our country is appreciated.

Steve

Tyler · Site Admin Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 12865

Wow, good post.
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wallhanger · Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 2:11 pm Post subject:

God bless you and may the peace of the ocean breeze wisk away the pain from time long ago. Thank you for your service to our country.

gotmullet? · Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 7:47 pm Post subject:

Wow! I'm lost for words.
Thank you for your service SIR...
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"Do not call my Jeep a Car ever again "

Capt. Billy L. Sandifer · Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 8:51 pm Post subject:

Welcome to S. TX., Dave. I don't know if you have a 4 wheel drive but I can tell you down in the Big Shell and south is the best medicine I've ever found for what troubles us. I sincerely believe I'd have been dead long ago if not for PINS. I stayed there for 1 1/2 years when I got out of the military without ever coming to town as there was nothing and no place for me here in town. Still isn't and there never will be. I found the constant sound of the roaring surf soothed me and I am at peace; or as much at peace as I've ever known. I sleep very little here in town and am in and out of bed all night. I think in every generation in which there have been wars there are men who will always hear the sound of the guns but I can live with it (as long as I eat my pills ha). My heart goes out to the young men who are defending America now and hearing the guns for the first time. And I think of the years ahead when many of them too will continue hearing the guns. And I think of all the American flags alongside gravestones over young men who never had the chance to get old and years ago heard all the guns they are ever going to hear and I am humbled by it all. And I am proud of the way America welcomes it's veterans home today and tries to help them. I don't have to tell you it wasn't that way when we came back nor the troops who suffered so in Korea. At the 25 mile marker I shook the ashes of one of the dearest brothers I ever had who fished with me for 16 years. He was the only surviving platoon sgt. in the Airborne group that was the first to go up Hamburger Hill. I think we are the lucky ones. And I try to do a little in the way of good things as the Good Lord allows me to live a while longer. I do them not only for me but for all those who never had a chance to. Live life to it fullest Brother. It ain't easy but no ones life is. And I learned a secret somewhere along the line. IF the sound of those guns get to bothering me too much I stop what I'm doing and walk directly towards the sound of them and they fade away AND THEN I GO FISHIN' Billy
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If we don't leave any there won't be any.

ratherbefishing · Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 9:20 pm Post subject:

Wow!

Thank you both for your service.
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HOMERFROMCORPUS · Horse Mullet Joined: 12 Jun 2011 Posts: 157

Most of the public is not aware of how Post Tramatic Stress Disorder is. I have not seen any real numbers on the numbers that are affected by it, but from all the wars I could believe a couple of million dealing with it today. I have a lot of friends and relatives that suffer from it.
My dad has never talked about it, but I know he suffers from it from WW2. Everyone I know that saw combat in Viet Nam suffers from it. Due to the nature of Iran and Afganistan it looks like it is going to even harder for all of them. Just the stress of waiting on a road side bomb to go off is affecting the strongest of our people.

And no amount of money will ever compensate anyone for it. I almost volunteered to go to Viet Nam and go Infantry. Thought it would help
grow up. After seeing the effects of Agent Orange and how people were treated initially with it, I am glad I didn't.

We have the best armies there is, but we have more to fear from weapons our government uses than we do from the enemy. They denied there was such a thing as Gulf War Sickness, but after about 10 years of studying they finally admitted our servicemen that were suffering from unknown illness there were a total of 14 different things some of our people
came home sick from. They did not understand PTSD during WW2, but with each war they are getting smarter. Hopefully they will come up with a medication our people can take so the bad memories never stick.

Glad you finnally got it diagnosed, and hopefully they may soon be able to treat it. I feel yours and other's suffering. It is real.
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"OVER A MILLION SPECIES ON THIS PLANET AND HUMANS ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT CREATES GARBAGE"

FoldCatOne · Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 10:08 pm Post subject:

Welcome Red Eye and Hello Billy. You will find quite a number of us around here on this board and on others like TexasFishingForum.com. I am also 100% disabled with multiple orthopedic and heart problems and 70% PTSD. Billy I know what you mean about "in and out of bed". Sometimes I just can't even get in until I literally fall asleep in my computer chair. Billy, how bad is the Red Tide on your lungs lately?? I still need to get down Island with you sooner than later with another couple of disabled Vets. Did you ever get to the 100% yet??

Capt. Billy L. Sandifer · Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 11:05 pm Post subject:

Yes, the V. A. 100%'d me the 31st. of Oct. Took 22 months of jumping through the hoops. I haven't gotten used to it yet or the idea that I really don't have to guide and eat at the dumpster behind the chicken joint in the Bluff anymore. I have several things wrong with me. They medicate my PTSD but it makes me lazy and want to be a couch potato and that ain't Billy. I have Diabetes II from Agent Orange and several other problems it has brought on. Interesting thing I''ve noticed is they can't really do anything about the dreams and sleep disorder. If it wasn't me it would be funny as my wife will wake me in the middle of the night and when I ask if she's lost what mind she has left she says, "no, you are shouting in Vietnamese in your sleep and that means that shortly I'm going to get a black eye and I've had enough black eyes so YOU WAKE UP." Again it makes me humble for veterans do get acknowledged as having problems and our families just suffer through it without recognition. My wife says Vietnam Veterans should be like cigarettes and come with "May be hazardous to your health" stickers. I went to a program on how to deal with cold stunned turtle at the pavilion at BHP Saturday and everyone there was gagging, sneezing and coughing. They cut the program short due to it. Tony Amos said he felt like any minute he was going to have to go straight down each row and give everyone cpr. I have COPD and only 62% use of my lungs so I can't play in the red tide. I'm hyper-allergenic to it. As such I haven't been down island in about 70 days; which is probably a record for me. Some as it's over I'll go back to chartering. Billy
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If we don't leave any there won't be any.

rabbit · Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 3:43 am Post subject:

My brother spent two tours in nam in the marines and he was wounded on the second tour. After he got out he came home and really had a hard time of it. He was run off the road in east tx by a logging truck and killed.
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FoldCatOne · Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 11:11 am Post subject:

Billy - The VA used to give me Seroquel (Quetiapine) for my nightmares. They, as you might figure, stopped sending it out to Vets (it works, why would they want to have that) a month or so ago. They now write me a script so I can get it via the Tricare mail order pharmacy. I will never figure out why the VA cancels meds, especially those that work. Anyway, the Seroquel does help me to sleep - some. My nightmares are like scratched records - they go around and skip back to the beginning, over and over and over. I can wake up and when I lay down and fall asleep the dreams start over just like I wasn't awake. Some times I just want to scream.

steve78412 · Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 11:20 am Post subject:

I can't get this post out of my head.

My draft lottery number was 174. The year before I became eligible the draft took into the 190s. The year I became eligible, they took to the upper 130s.

There but for the grace...

Steve

FoldCatOne · Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 11:37 am Post subject:

My draft number was 143. After college I joined the Navy vs being drafted. Didn't help - went to Nam anyway.

sheepdog · Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 1:08 pm Post subject:

You ALL deserve the respect and admiration of a grateful public. This is the greatest country on the face of the earth but the way Vietnam vets were treated upon return to the states was despicable. I hope you know that the overwhelming majority of US citizens appreciates your service under the toughest of conditions. I'm glad this thread came up because it prompted me to make a donation to the wounded warriors project. I hope you find the peace that you deserve. Padre Island is a good place to look for it.